3.17.2013

Day 662

Hey, guess who had an awesome day?  Go on, go ahead and guess.

Yep, it was me!

This morning started with a near crisis: we arrived at Minnetrista (where the farmer's market is held) and the parking lot was empty.  I mean, not a single vendor, tent, or piece of trash.  It was terrible.  Kimmy's world almost ended. Immensely defeated, we began wandering back to the car.  It was strange that the parking lot was so full of cars, yet no one was around.  So we walked over to the actual building and haphazardly walked inside.  At first it just looked like it was a normal day, with people serving coffee and handing out information brochures.  As we wandered further in, was saw the wonderful sight of people selling home made things!  Ahhhh farmer's market!

All was once again good in this world.  Well, for the most part.  They didn't have any vegetables (you know, since it's march and all), so we picked up some other things.  We got some eggs, some honey, a couple of baked goods, and then "honey sticks."  Those are essentially straw-type things filled with flavored honey.  The one I got was apple flavored.  Oh man, it was so amazing.

When we'd finished the rest of our grocery shopping, we came home and had lunch.  Kimmy took a nap and I was super productive playing video games and such.  So it was a good afternoon.

Then we went to dinner with Lee!  That was fun.  We met in the wonderful little town of Portland, Indiana.  We had planned on meeting a certain restaurant, but apparently it's no longer open.... so we changed our plans and went elsewhere.  That seemed like the logical choice.

We had a good time.  We caught each other up on the various things going on in our lives (such as the obligatory post-exam laziness, his preparation for his upcoming exam, that sort of stuff).  He confirmed my fear that there is never a point at which you get so confident with your studying that you don't feel nervous going into an exam.  Lee is on exam 8 (I believe), passed them all on his first try, but still gets incredibly nervous before taking them.  I think it's just part of the process.... and it's terrible.  Absolutely awful.

We also discussed something that's been on my mind (and his too, it seems) for quite some time.  Now that I will soon be joining the ranks of the middle-class, it seems that it could become very easy to get stuck in a rut.  You have enough money to live comfortably, everything is ok... but it all seems a bit empty.  Life gets to be so mundane and you get the feeling that there should be more than just going to work, coming home, cleaning, trying to relax a bit, then going to bed... only to repeat.  You have minor victories and defeats, and these keep you going and feeling somewhat alive.  But one of the issues I have with being such a risk averse person is that it's not possible to have big victories and an awesome existence without taking some pretty big chances.  The most realistic case is that I end up leaving no real impact on the world... just like most people.  And I've accepted this.  But maybe it's my youthful hope, maybe it's something else, I just have a desire to want to be more than just someone filling up another office.  I have big plans for things that sounds awesome (working at a Think Tank, helping run some sort of half-way homeless shelter, opening a restaurant or baker) that would make me at least feel like I had contributed more to this world than just being another person who was born, worked, and died.

I think this issue stems from (another thing we discussed) the problem of figuring out the place from which you derive your self worth.  I've always had this idea that you determine your personal value from your relationships, marriage, and job.  Maybe some big activity you're involved in.  But the truth is, you can decide that for yourself.  The issue is.... I don't know what the other options are.  Most other things just seem petty in my mind.  Yes, I could derive my self worth from how much money I have or how clean my car is.... but that just seems to trivial.  You won't impress craftsman by having shiniest hammer... you impress a craftsman by wielding it the most skillfully.

I need find my hammer and learn to wield it.

So who knows.  Hopefully Kimmy and I can find something awesome some day.  We've talked about maybe opening a small restaurant or bakery... that would be really neat.  But all of that takes money.  So for now I work hard at something that I will enjoy.  I am really excited to start working for Humana.  I get to start off working in the area has sounds like the most fun (predictive modeling) with some other people that are as excited about math and fun models as I am... probably even more so.

Anyhow.  Dinner was pretty awesome.  We also discussed some of our favorite and least favorite parts of academia.  By that point it was getting late, so we said our good byes and departed.

Well, it's pretty late so I guess I'll be done for now.  Cheerio, my friends.

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